Wife Hunting
I should be doing a whole lot of things other than reading crap on the net. Or writing. But I will share a few suggestions from Luke Ford. I hope he'll forgive me for quoting and not just linking.Luke needs a wife:
Another year passes (on the Jewish calender), another year in which Luke has failed to find himself a wife. And yet he is popular with the ladies, is in wide circulation. Why? As to all questions, the answer is to be found in Torah. Luke is single because he has failed to avial himself of the following time-tested techniques set forth in the bible for obtaining a wife:
- Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. -- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
- Find a prostitute and marry her. -- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
- Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. -- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
- Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. -- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
- Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. -- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
- Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. -- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
- Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman. -- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
- Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. -- David (I Samuel 18:27)
- Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.) -- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
- Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
- When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
- Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose your son though). -- David (2 Samuel 11)
- Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law). -- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
- Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. -- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
Nu? Instead of re-reading the J-singles blogs we should all be out following God's commandments.
posted by YS @ 9:12 PM
A blog is a writer clearing junk out of his head by bouncing around the room of chipmunks that we call society.
12 Comments:
This is hilarious! Now how about some tips on snaring a husband...
Being only half-Jewish, and not raised Jewish, I sat down to read the Old Testament a couple of years ago for education. It was so horrifying, all the slaughter, rape etc. To be honest, I eventually skipped ahead to re-read the Gospels, which only have one murder (Jesus's).
I always found the realisim of the Old Testament refreshing. It's part of not deifiying and of the men. They all messed up at some point.
But the Gospels have only one murder? Hmmm... I'll have to re-read.
Whoops! I forgot about John the Baptist! So you're right.
I guess what I really meant though is that the "good guys" don't kill and rape in the New Testament. Some of them betray Jesus, which is pretty bad, but that's because they're weak...Who are the people you see as role models, from the Old Testament?
Role models?
Joseph. He resisted sleeping with his masters wife.
Tamar. Judah's daughter-in-law who was prepared to die rather than embarress Judah.
Aaron. Allowed Moses to lead and supported him even though he was older than Moses.
Job. Who continues to talk to God after all the troubles and trial he has slung at him.
David. In his repentance after the incident with Bathsheba.
Abraham. He argeued with God himeself to try and save the wicked city of Sodom.
Sara. She selflessly told Abraham to take another wife so he could have children, even if not from her.
Elijah. On Mt. Carmel defiying all the false prophets of the Ba'al.
This is just off the top of my head. Yes, there are stories of rape and murder, but there are also stories of immense courage. Biblical heros are not tipified (sp?) by Samson. The hero is not just who is strongest. The biblical hero is one who shows inner strenght in the face of a test.
I'll add one last point. You wrote "The good guys in the NT don't kill and rape." Idealy none of the folks in the OT or the NT would be killing and raping. But the reality is these were people. Flesh and blood people who make mistakes. If they were perfect how would we be able to learn from them? A person might say "All those laws and ethics are fine for David 'cause he was perfect. I'll never be that good." God is telling us that just as these people has failings and were still great, we can be as well. Maybe that is part of what made them great.
Thanks for the info. But I don't think I agree with your conclusion. Sure, no one is all bad and maybe even a reformed rapist or reformed murderer has something to teach others. But I don't agree that most people would normally look at someone who seemed perfect and think, I could never be like that person so why bother trying? I am a psychotherapist and I can tell you that anyone who thinks like that has low self-esteem, a negative attitude and could definitely use some therapy. Actually, idealization of role models and identification with them, especially during adolescence, is considered a normal part of the development of the personality. People who can't try to model themselves after an ideal are the people who have psychological problems.
There is a concept in psychoanalysis called the "ego ideal." It is part of the superego but it is not the punitive and prohibitive part. Rather, it's what we strive toward.
Sure during high school we idealize our heros. But as long term life models I don't think that perfection is held as attinable. If you tell me a story of someone who was born perfect, never had to struggle with moral or ethical dilemmas, and lived his life as the greatest father/spouse ever - I would find it hard to draw life lessons from that man. On the other hand, hearing stories of how Lance Armstrong had to struggle to get to where he is - I can relate to struggle.
Yes, I have an ideal image that I try to live up to. Knowing that no-one achives %100 success in their goals is good. Otherwise I'd feel like a failure. I do realize the danger in this - "I'll never achive %100 so why even try?". That's not the right path either.
Our goals need to be above us but still attainable. Our role models need to be great but mortal, not angels.
Could you expand a bit on the concept of "ego ideal"? I have not heard it before.
Originally, Freud used the term "ego-ideal" as a synonym for super-ego. Later theorists used the term differently as they became more and more interested in concepts of the self, narcissism and interpersonal relations. (Freud mainly focused on the conflicts between the individual's sexual and aggressive instincts and society's demands). Here is a quote from psychoanalyst Otto Kernberg: "ego ideals should be distinguised from the concept of the superego. The superego represents a taking over of the parental do's and don'ts...the formation of the superego is based upon acceptance of reality...The ego ideal is based upon the desire to...regain infantile onmipotence by identifying with the idealized parent...In normal development these ideals are gradually modified.." The term ego ideal today is used somewhat differently by different theorists (Kernberg's theories mostly concern early development of the personality and he focuses on psychopathology; this lends a tinge of pessimism to his writing in my opinion; other theorists might view the concept of the ego ideal more positively). But I think this summarizes the basic concept.
Thanks for the explanation. I think you have an excellent point that we all need ideals (whether ideal people or ideal individual concepts) to strive towards.
If you are interested, the idea I shared of a "biblical hero" is expanded upon in Shmuley Boteach's new book "The Private Adam: Becoming a Hero in a Selfish Age". I have not read the whole thing but was impressed with what I did read.
I think a certain wiki addict would highly enjoy this post :-)
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