On the flip side...

It's been a while since I told a good story and now I have a few.

I got to bake matza last week. Real, kosher, round, hand made,
shmurah matza. I'd never done this. In my mind matza came in two
types: square machine made, in the big 5kg boxes and hand shmurah, in
the white hat boxes wrapped in white paper. I had heard of people who
went and baked their own matzas. Not the world I grew up in. Two
weeks ago, R' Aaron (the rabbi of my Kol Rina) asked who wanted to come as
part of a group to bake matza on Rosh Chodesh. Why not?
Sunday 9:30am we started with cutting nails and washing hands. All
the tables were washed down with water (no soap) and dried. Jobs were
handed out and explained. I was assigned to be the hole puncher.
(There is probably a proper technical term in Yiddish for the job...)
"L'Shaim Matzos Mitzvah!" The water hits the dough and the clock started.
As long as the dough is being worked it can not become chametz but we
keep the clock running anyway. Each round included a breakdown and
cleaning of each station. Everything that wasn't smooth stainless
steel was tossed out (including my hole punchers). Each matza was
quick baked in an oven that set it on fire if it was in a moment too
long.
The dough went from the mixing to being beaten with oversize rolling
pins. After 8 minutes of that it was divided and rolled out. Dave
(my fellow holy roller) and I got the rolled matzas, pincushioned them
and yelled "MATZA!" out the little window. A stick magically appeared
and removed the hole-y matza. Wild and tiring.
I came home with my very own box of hand made matza. I feel like a
5th grader bringing home his pre-pesach school project. I think I'll
use it on my seder plate.

The Torah writes about Moshe being at age 120 just as he was at 80. I always thought that was a positive idea regarding Moshe's strength and clarity of mind. What about a possibility that being at age 120 just like at 80 indicates that Moshe hadn't changed. His attitudes and perspectives were still those of the generation that left Egypt. This explains why God wouldn't let him enter that land - the nation had made a necessary shift and Moshe hadn't.

Thoughts?

R' Zev Leff talks about positive and negative commandments are on ladders. Wherever we stand on those ladders, those are the commandments we struggle with. The ones below us are not so tough to do or not do and the ones above us are not even on the radar screen. As we grow and change with the years our place on the ladder shifts.
When I was 8 I struggled with fighting and swearing and being nice to my sister. At 20 I struggled with faith in God and living in Israel. These days I'm struggling with something I had never given much thought to: Envy.
I know its a big one. One of the top ten list. It was never an issue for me. I was happy for my friend and I was happy with what I have. I now find myself again and again looking around at my friends house, field, ox, ass, maidservant, and so on thinking... "Covet..... Envy.... Mmmmm... Doughnuts...."
It's a challenge.

A Spring Walk

Each spring

my thoughts

sprout again

into poems.

R' Avraham Arieh Trugman